Tuesday, September 9, 2008

King Richard; Emperor of the Meaning FULL Infomercial

Guest blogger Cheekie Mom misses this fuzzy headed force that once tried to save America from itself and you may miss him too.

Please to enjoy:

Who has a sparkle in their eye that could only come from light reflected off sequin shorts? Who charms his way into your heart with rhythmic grape vines designed to strengthen your legs and put joy in your heart? Richard Simmons that's who! My beloved Richard is on a Yoplait commercial and thank God! America needs him. The pendulum of weight management has gone from an 80's and 90's focus on exercise to the fad diet. Sweatin' to the Oldies has been replaced by Dr. Atkins. Susan Sommers gave way to South Beach. Do you know who ultimately suffered? Me and millions of TV watchin' Americans looking for affirmation and hope in the lives of the morbidly obese. Long gone are my mini drama motivational 90 minute infomercials. I want to see Clara from Tulsa loose 100 lbs doin' the twist. I want to rejoice with Martin from Deluth as he "squeeze, squeeze, squeezes his way to more shapely hips and thighs."

Richard is still one of the few folks left out there pitching exercise and healthy eating. What a wacko! (Pic from

While one of those mineral based makeups might give you the momentary glee of helping someone with vitilago; there is no comparison to the wall to wall victories you get with weight loss. The mother that finally does something for her herself and makes her time with Richard sacred and thus regains control of her life. As a result of her weight loss she got rid of her abusive husband, changed careers, remarried and is now the CEO of a Fortune 500. (It could happen; two words: Sarah Palin.) At the very least, how do we know what not to wear at the gym unless Richard shows us?!

Forget about Extreme Makeover Home Edition; we had Richard on every minor network and lesser cable station from 7 am – 11 am every Saturday and Sunday. Richard brought humility to over eating. Self esteem within reach via a VHS cassette for 2 small payments of 29.95 plus shipping and handling. Paying for affirmation is the most efficient means to achieve self actualization. It is the American way. Ask any man over 40 dating a Twenty year old but paying for her apartment because he "…wants to." Join me in asking Richard to come out of retirement. We want to "...say farewell to fat" for as we do we say welcome to our selves. We need him to usher us back to wellness with his fluffy white dogs and striped shirts under pastel poly-cotton blend sweaters. Join me, friends, in reciting our mantra: Viva la pink stripped nylon shorts!