Top Chef Finale! Who won? 'Cause I totally couldn't watch it.

I actually know who won Top Chef, I just didn't get to see. I'm not very happy with the result.

I'm just not feeling it lately, fair readers. My ideas are shit, I'm distracted by tinsel and cookies and I've lost the ability to half-watch crappy movies at random on cable whilst doing things around the house.  Yes, that's right we've canceled cable.  You will be the first to know that the moment I hung up with the very persistent Comcast representative after she confirmed that the technician would come by and shut off our cable from the outside at 9am the next morning, well, there were actual tears in my eyes.  I believe I uttered the words, "This sucks, " in my most self-pitying tone.  Two moments later I determined that this emotional response further justified our decision to cut the time sucking cord, not just for our bank account, but for my very soul.  Don't worry, fair readers, I did not suddenly become some born-again self-righteous holier-than-though too-good-for-TV jerk. You know those people at parties who declare without a hint of sadness that they, "don't even own a TV and don't even miss it."  Well, I miss my time suck dearly, mostly because last night I had to suffer through Glee since our HD antenna didn't really present any other options.  Please feel free to leave your reasons why you think Glee is good in the comments section, but know that I will totally hold it against you.  No, I'm kidding. No, I'm not. Maybe.

Last week on 30 Rock something terrible happened to Liz Lemon.  She failed to transition from writer to performer. Her moment came and she over-thought it and bugged out.  Although it was one of the most madcap episodes in a long time, her inability to "wave like a human" on camera is probably the most realistic depiction of the transformative power of showbiz.  Normal people with little or at least well-managed childhood trauma and/or adult malfunction usually don't own the spot light well.  We listen to our favorite bands and imagine ourselves up on stage with them. "What? You want me to jam with you guys on this one?  I guess so, but let me sing that one part of the reprise, I totally rock that in my head and I don't see how it would sound differently when I sing it out loud."  You know that fantasy, don't lie.  Check out this classic self-aggrandizing dream sequence from An American in Paris if you don't quite get what I'm trying to say.

Most of us are not performers, or at least when we are called upon to perform we fail to rise to the occasion. Sure, there are a few wedding speeches out there where regular folk kill and make all the other speech givers feel like crap.  Oh yeah, there is also that rare individual who can actually do Karaoke well.  I really want to be that person, but realize that I am not and no amount of alcohol is going to change that fact.  Anyway, the thing is, most of the time regular people look and act weird in front of an audience and even if they might be good at something in the shower (no, not that thing), it doesn't mean that they are as good as they think they are in outside shower life. It is for this reason that I think people like shitty shows like American Idol and less shitty shows like Glee.  It's porn for those of us that screwed up their one solo in choir or completely failed to say anything witty at that open mic night and will never go up there again, you can't make us!  Even if you don't want to admit it, just as we do with particularly awesome sex scenes in movies, we totally picture ourselves in the moment, whether it's wowing Simon or bringing down the house in our super awesome and diverse high school Show Choir.  For those of you that don't know, and I don't know why you'd still be reading at this point if you didn't, Show Choir is a sort of jazzed up super embarrassing glee club with dancing and accompaniment.


Can anyone tell me WTF is going on here?  Please tell me why those cheerleader backup dancers are not disgusting and sexist.

I once Tweeted that Glee would be great if it weren't for all that singing.  It's got the whole underdog angle working for it, the always awesome Jane Lynch and um, it's got Jane Lynch.  But, they also have the budget to cover lots of popular songs and the result, for me, is much like a smashup between a more satirical version of Fame and a self aware Kids Incorporated. Both Glee and Fame feature misfits (all aspiring artists in the 1980's were total freaks) and all three have young people that can't help but feel the music.  Could they have given those stupid Kids like one guitar lesson?   Jeez that used to piss me off when I was little.

Glee is so much better than Kids Inc., obviously.  But for me (and others I suspect) the elaborate and heartfelt musical sequences are too cringe-worthy to fully appreciate their snarky combination of pop culture hits and Broadway chops. And the self-parody of the show itself makes dramatic moments way funnier than the funny ones.  The musical numbers, especially last night's big finale, are so polished, overly produced and perfect - they lack any and all authenticity and just feels like someone's corny wish fulfillment. But, maybe that's the point.

Perhaps this revulsion is intentional, after all Glee was created by the same mind that brought us the deranged and at one time totally enjoyable Nip Tuck.  Can anyone say cross-over?!  A girl can dream.

Anyway, your comments/defending remarks about Glee are most welcome. I could be wrong on this one, if that's even possible.