Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Post-Oscar Bliss

One of these things is not like the of them is Wolverine.

OK, so yes, I watched the Oscars Sunday night, albeit whilst playing a very nerdy German board game (utilizing the pirate expansion pack and exploration mode) with friends, which I failed to win...again. We paused the intense game play every now and then for the really important moments - the opening number (good lord, who knew that man could dance), the Pineapple Express boys in The Reader bit, Tina and Steve's Scientology jab, Ben Stiller presenting in the character of a certain actor turned performance artist and of course, Heath Ledger's posthumous win.

Relatively good times were had by all, but I know a certain gentleman who can recap the entire Oscar experience much better...and in song.

Guest Blogger: Ira Hillman
COO of a major nonprofit by day, pop culture commentator by night - Ira sends out a famous email recap after every major awards show and all of us lucky enough to be on the list anxiously await their arrival. Please enjoy this excerpt from his 81st Annual Academy Awards recap. (And don't pretend you don't know the tune to Summer Nights, 'cause you totally do. See below for what the hell I'm talking about.)

Academy Awards: The Musical

Like Dorothy in “The Wizard of Oz”, I woke up Monday morning and thought, “I had a wonderful dream that the Tony Awards came early this year. And you were there, and you and you . . . and Hugh!”

But, strangely, it was indeed the Oscars telecast that we all saw Sunday night. In addition to some smart innovations like the beautiful personal tributes to each of the acting nominees and the expedient ways they worked through the other categories, the show had more singing, dancing and show tunes than a night with Kevin Spacey in West Hollywood . And, you know what, the show was actually better than ever. See, California , if you had only kept gay marriage legal, you could experience this kind of breezy fun all the time!

Well, in the spirit of this year’s Oscars show, I am sharing my commentary to the tune of songs from movie musicals.

After all, if Hugh Jackman says, “The musical is back,” then it must be true. Of course, he also says he’s straight.

To the tune of “Maria” from “West Side Story”:

The Oscars. The Oscars.

This year’s producers have tried something new:
The Oscars, the Oscars, the Oscars, the Oscars . . .
Such a beautiful set, orchestra – and the host is, too. . .
The Oscars, the Oscars, the Oscars, the Oscars
The Oscars!
I just watched a show called the Oscars,
And suddenly that night
Has finally gone right
How rare!
The Oscars!
They restructured the show called the Oscars
And suddenly the show
Is moving fast not slow
I care!
The Oscars!
The winners’ speeches are endearing
And there’s no Jack Nicholson leering

The Oscars,
Am I really cheering the Oscars?!

The Oscars, the Oscars, the Oscars, the Oscars
The Oscars, the Oscars, the Oscars, the Oscars
The Oscars!

Can I believe what I am hearing?
It’s midnight and the end is nearing.

The Oscars,
Am I really cheering the Oscars?!

The best telecast I’ve seen in years.
The Oscars.

To the tune of “Dancing Queen” from “Mamma Mia!”:

You can talk, you can win
Orchestra: please don’t chime in
Nothing like “Life’s a Beach”
Many an awesome speech!

Dustin Lance Black made the gays proud
While Bill Maher talked down to the crowd
Fey & Martin made fun of Scientology
The Petits Cube guy was so wee
Jerry Lewis avoided rude
Man on Wire guy: crazy dude
Danny Boyle did Tigger, Kate Winslet fought tears
Heath’s family showed much class
Sean Penn was not an ass . . .

He gave an awesome speech, somewhat weird, but just a peach
Awesome speech, for a good rhyme now I must reach (oh yeah)
Wall-E guy was also good, gave it the best that he could
Shouted out to his teach. Made it an awesome speech.