The Year of Living Awesomely

Leela: "I feel like I just went ten rounds with Mighty Thor."    Fry: "I feel like I was mauled by Jesus."

Man, am I glad 2009 is so over.  And now I'm one week down in my little Messianic gge (as someone named Bob just reminded me).  That's right for a whole week now I've been the same age Jesus might have been probably quite possibly when he was killed.  Wow. Makes you think. Or...wait...it makes me think.  At 33 he sort of founded a religion, was persecuted hence beginning a legacy that resulted in millions and millions of people believing in love, peace on earth and some of them for some reason believing that dudes shouldn't marry other dudes, or goats 'cause that's like the same thing.  What have I done in the last 33 years?  Holy crap, I only have 51 more weeks to make something frickin' awesome happen.

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WGA apparently just as lazy as I am.

Happy Tuesday, fair readers!

Did you see the musical number at the end of How I Met Your Mother last night?  $10 to anyone who can tell me why the hell it was written in a key that was clearly uncomfortable for all involved.  There is a moment when NPH is standing on cab and his voice actually enters the "dog only" range.  Check it out here if that appeals to you for some reason.

"Words can only hurt you if you try to read them. Don't play their game."

In other news of mediocrity, the Writers Guild of America released its nominations for their 2009 honors yesterday.  For the first time ever, I have see or intentionally skipped nearly all of the flicks on the list.  And this is not because I saw everything this year. I'm a mainstream critic (as you know by now) because it's just way easier than art house shit. I went to art school, I have no desire to dip back into that land of theory and fruitless effort. Anyway, I know all the nominees this year because the Guild has apparently grown tired of working at watching too. How cool is that?

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Movie Review: Daybreakers

I actually paid for a movie this weekend. Here's how it went...

Uncle Vampire Sam Wants you for his Vampire Army.

Never has vampire slaying been so explosive. No, that’s not a metaphor. In Daybreakers, brought to us by Australia’s Spierig brothers, accepted vampire lore (no reflections, sunlight deadly, etc.) has been elaborated upon by having the bloodsuckers literally explode in a cloud of flame or viscera when staked. It’s just one of the many grotesque and gimmicky traits that make it laugh-out-loud B movie fun. Sure, there are numerous wasted opportunities concerning plot and characters that keep Daybreakers from being a true stand out in the genre, but an Aussie camp and dialogue that could have been written for a SyFy Channel original movie provides a moderately engaging excuse for eating theater popcorn. Daybreakers is really dumb, hilariously and inexplicably sloppy as far as story is concerned, but there is little teen angst, so that’s a big plus. We are presented with a dystopian vampire world where humans are hunted and the few that remain struggle for basic necessities like food, shelter and bras. And it’s mostly an eye-rolling snicker-fest best to be enjoyed with friends and fellow audience members who don’t mind a little MST3K style audience participation.

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Happy Friday, I guess.

I'll be back next week for real. Promise.  I know it says "read more" at the bottom of this post, but it's a lie.

I hate excuses (and yet am really good at making them up) but I think if I admit there is a problem I will be better equipped to correct it.  I'm just having trouble getting back to the old keyboard.  Too much information and a plethora of holiday/birthday fun combined with a serious case of irresponsibility has left me uninspired.  I'm sure Twitter is to blame somehow.

In the meantime, feel free to leave writing topics in the comments section. Some I have already received include: a brief history of video games, my 2010 wrap up (which is totally not happening, I've tried to write it twice now) and anything that isn't a straight-up movie review.

What's your 2 cents, other fair readers?

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Movie Review: Avatar

Yeah, I know it's been like awhile.  I have a few plans for improvement of this here blog for 2010, but really what I need is more time. So, if anyone has any extra, feel free to email it to me.

But, back to business.  I saw Avatar last week, avoided reading any and all reviews and then broke it down for just for you, fair readers. We have never seen anything like Avatar before. James Cameron (Aliens, Titanic) delivers a seamless, rich and all-engrossing 3D experience with CGI that looks and feels completely authentic.  The uncanny valley has been conquered and yet Avatar is still just a bloated fantasy movie with a weak script and recycled devices. For once the digital effects are so good that one is left to only dwell on the art direction, story and characters.  Uh-oh.  Gratuitous use of phosphorescence, problematic otherness, plot holes and general cheesiness keep Avatar from being more than just a corny, uber-fantastical cartoon — a really elaborate, $400 million-plus (including marketing) cartoon that looks nothing like any film or animated feature that has come before it.  When a movie looks this good who needs a good story?

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