Friday Fun!

Lots going in the world this week, the gravity of most I can't really address here.  Since you are reading this, I can only assume that life is going pretty well for you. You own a computer, you have internet access and you have room in your busy schedule and cluttered brain for semi-useless information and my humble opinions. Let's just keep our relationship positive, OK?  The weight of the world has no place here. I got complaints when I addressed shark cruelty, so I'm thinking you don't want me to weigh in on Haiti, the State of the Union, or any other issue that is remotely depressing or complex.  Don't worry, I'm down with keeping it surface.

Here are some highlights that aim to please. Gotta start the weekend off on a high note.

Friday Fun starts....now!

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Useless Info: Lasers and Bubble Wrap - Golden Anniversaries

"I am going to focus like a laser beam on this economy.”

Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation

Yep, that's right, laser is an acronym, like many other things that sound super cool to say, like NASA or DEFCON or SyFy.  And it's super old.  50 years old to be exact. Though the first working laser performed successfully in May of 1960, 2010 is the the year of the laser.  Just check out LaserFest 2010 if you need to get your geek on.  If it weren't for lasers we wouldn't have the CD's that we never listen to or the DVD's that are about to become obsolete. We wouldn't have an even more tripped out way to experience Floyd or a way to make U2 tolerable. We wouldn't have gotten to hear Dr. Evil say,"You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!"  Terrible movie, great quote. Then there's this guy who built a working Phaser, but I think it can only be set to balloon stun, thankfully.  Check out the dude's video here.

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Talk Shows Blow

 Oh, wait a sec, I think Google image messed up.

It was the mid to late 90's.  I didn't sleep a lot.  I regularly drank at Philly's best dive bar; recalling it now, I swear I can smell hot dogs and Jack.  It was a magical time.  I didn't even have an email address and I never missed Late Night with Conan O'Brien.  Back then Conan did bits about how nobody watched him, he featured bands not many of heard of and he featured lots of wacky skits and characters (Pimpbot5000, that golf cart studio tour thing, The Year 2000, Triumph, those weird talking mouth and lots of odd bit actors that looked strangely enough like writers).  Without the pressure of a good time slot, he was free to do crazy shit.  Sure, I hadn't even watched Late Night since Andy left when Conan took over the coveted Tonight Show slot in June from the head of the Evil League of Evil, and I can only assume he was still being relatively edgy and entertaining.  But, Andy was coming back and that seemed to make up for Conan's move to LA.  I swore I would stay up late or at least DVR it or something.  I did neither.  I get up really early in the morning, fair readers.

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The Year of Living Awesomely

Leela: "I feel like I just went ten rounds with Mighty Thor."    Fry: "I feel like I was mauled by Jesus."

Man, am I glad 2009 is so over.  And now I'm one week down in my little Messianic gge (as someone named Bob just reminded me).  That's right for a whole week now I've been the same age Jesus might have been probably quite possibly when he was killed.  Wow. Makes you think. Or...wait...it makes me think.  At 33 he sort of founded a religion, was persecuted hence beginning a legacy that resulted in millions and millions of people believing in love, peace on earth and some of them for some reason believing that dudes shouldn't marry other dudes, or goats 'cause that's like the same thing.  What have I done in the last 33 years?  Holy crap, I only have 51 more weeks to make something frickin' awesome happen.

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WGA apparently just as lazy as I am.

Happy Tuesday, fair readers!

Did you see the musical number at the end of How I Met Your Mother last night?  $10 to anyone who can tell me why the hell it was written in a key that was clearly uncomfortable for all involved.  There is a moment when NPH is standing on cab and his voice actually enters the "dog only" range.  Check it out here if that appeals to you for some reason.

"Words can only hurt you if you try to read them. Don't play their game."

In other news of mediocrity, the Writers Guild of America released its nominations for their 2009 honors yesterday.  For the first time ever, I have see or intentionally skipped nearly all of the flicks on the list.  And this is not because I saw everything this year. I'm a mainstream critic (as you know by now) because it's just way easier than art house shit. I went to art school, I have no desire to dip back into that land of theory and fruitless effort. Anyway, I know all the nominees this year because the Guild has apparently grown tired of working at watching too. How cool is that?

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Movie Review: Daybreakers

I actually paid for a movie this weekend. Here's how it went...

Uncle Vampire Sam Wants you for his Vampire Army.

Never has vampire slaying been so explosive. No, that’s not a metaphor. In Daybreakers, brought to us by Australia’s Spierig brothers, accepted vampire lore (no reflections, sunlight deadly, etc.) has been elaborated upon by having the bloodsuckers literally explode in a cloud of flame or viscera when staked. It’s just one of the many grotesque and gimmicky traits that make it laugh-out-loud B movie fun. Sure, there are numerous wasted opportunities concerning plot and characters that keep Daybreakers from being a true stand out in the genre, but an Aussie camp and dialogue that could have been written for a SyFy Channel original movie provides a moderately engaging excuse for eating theater popcorn. Daybreakers is really dumb, hilariously and inexplicably sloppy as far as story is concerned, but there is little teen angst, so that’s a big plus. We are presented with a dystopian vampire world where humans are hunted and the few that remain struggle for basic necessities like food, shelter and bras. And it’s mostly an eye-rolling snicker-fest best to be enjoyed with friends and fellow audience members who don’t mind a little MST3K style audience participation.

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Happy Friday, I guess.

I'll be back next week for real. Promise.  I know it says "read more" at the bottom of this post, but it's a lie.

I hate excuses (and yet am really good at making them up) but I think if I admit there is a problem I will be better equipped to correct it.  I'm just having trouble getting back to the old keyboard.  Too much information and a plethora of holiday/birthday fun combined with a serious case of irresponsibility has left me uninspired.  I'm sure Twitter is to blame somehow.

In the meantime, feel free to leave writing topics in the comments section. Some I have already received include: a brief history of video games, my 2010 wrap up (which is totally not happening, I've tried to write it twice now) and anything that isn't a straight-up movie review.

What's your 2 cents, other fair readers?

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