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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Awesome America: Why We're So Awesome

 Don't tread on me or I will cut you so bad. (Shakes eagle fist.)

Wow, it's been an eventful week in our nation already. We have new a brand new healthcare system!  I'm not going to use this format to discuss the pros and cons of the new bill as I like to reserve that for drunken family arguments at the dinner table where serious political debate belongs.  As we left-minded folk bruise ourselves with all the constant self-congratulatory back-patting, I'd like to take this time to point out more reasons why we Americans are so darn special...and awesome. Um, I'm gonna do this in the form of a top ten (at least I'll start out with that intention, you will find out if I get tired and crap out at 7, which I probably will).

10.  Fake TV News Programs:  From Stewart and Olbermann to Beck and some other idiot from the other side, "news" and/or opinion shows filled with dramatics and speculative analysis, some with lots of jokes and guest stars plugging things are just awesome.  America owns fake news and we love it. Other countries might have fake/heavily opinionated news shows, but they don't matter, 'case they're not America.

9.  Fatness:  I've skimmed enough Michael Pollan to know that long ago somebody decided that extracting nutrients from food and then adding those to far from beneficial foodstuffs that stay fresher longer and are super cheap to make and buy was an awesome idea and is basically the reason why lately America carries a few extra pounds.  Then there's the government subsidizing shit food or the stuff of corn and soybeans used to the make processed food thrown in the mix.  But, since Oprah has recently discovered this (she did a show about Food, Inc in January or whenever), I'm sure we are all on our way to slimmer, healthier selves.  I for one will miss wrapping everything in bacon.