Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Game of Thrones,Season 2: Totally Obvious Predictions

Yeah, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Game of Thrones starts up again on the old Home Box Office network this Sunday night.  And I figured that just because I haven’t read the George R.R. Martin novels it doesn’t mean that I can’t offer up my predictions for season two. I’ve read other books, so that’s basically the same thing, right?

“Read more” for the proposed plot points! (Season 1 spoilers be ahead, arg.)

“If your father, Drogo, were still alive…”

1. The Targaryen dragon babies reach their terrible twos and burninate a few villages along with their peasants. Daenerys puts them in the time out corner until they are ready to do her bidding and reclaim the throne.

2. Stark bastard, Jon Snow finds out that in every generation there is a chosen one. They alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, the surprisingly strong undead, and the forces of winter. Jon is the zombie slayer.

3. The ghost of unjustly executed Eddard Stark compels eldest daughter Sansa to put on a play to finally expose the incestuously duplicitous Lannisters, but she has an existential crisis, yadda yadda yadda, everyone dies.

4. Incognito “boy” Arya plans to go all Inigo Montoya on Joffery's ass for having her father beheaded, but only if she can find an evil genius and good natured giant to help her find a way south.

Here's to you, Chester.

5.  Tyrion Lannister figures out that the famed Throne of Swords is actually a cleverly disguised organ and when the correct notes are played it triggers the opening of a secret door to a forgotten cavern filled with treasures of a long dead one-eyed pirate.


mlautenberger said...

First two are close, 3&4 are a bit off, but 5 could be a direct quote from the books. Nice one.

Brian Andrews said...

What do you think that HBO didn't cast a real redhead for the role of Melisandre and instead are employing a terrible wig? As Steph and I were watching it all we could think of was your ire.

Megan Carr said...

I'm honored that you thought of my kin. That wig is shameful, for sure. On another note, that table sex looked really uncomfortable. Little army figures flying everywhere.